Ingar

A warm welcome to our new Manchester United players Owen Hargreaves, Nani and Anderson! The latter being the only one we didn't know Sir Alex had an interest in. While Hargreaves is an experienced holding midfielder both for club and country (he's got about 60 Champions League games, and a winner medal with Bayern Munchen), Nani and Anderson are young, exciting prospects for the future.

I hate to name a player "the next [fill in however you like]", but Nani is a technique-blessed winger in the Cristiano Ronaldo mould and Anderson an attacking midfielder in the Kaka mould. Over at Youtube there's a whole bunch of video clips of the two, and I for one love what I see! We should, however, not get overexcited, 'cause these (as every other foreigner) will need some time to acclimate to the Premiership and the United-style of play. But given these two guys talents (and obviously the experience we've had with Ronaldo), there are reason to be optimistic about our club's future. A mouthwatering prospect of Ronaldo, Rooney, Nani and Anderson up front being fed by Carrick/Scholes could soon be a reality.

Though I am as happy as everybody else to see United conduct business so early this summer, I interpret this as the club has finally learned a lesson from our failed attempts to buy Arjen Robben and Michael Essien (the former ruined his career by going to Chelski - he used to be some talent) and from last summer. Sir Alex have stated he was looking at three new players, and with these now bought I doubt it if we buy anyone else.

That will not stop newspapers and journalists from speculating in more players. From now untill the transfer window shuts every little source of news will be overflowing with rumours regarding the biggest club in the world and I'll recieve a million comments from my mates like "have you heard we're buying XXX?" when nothing happens. Don't any of you guys remember last summer when it was "100%" that Marcos Senna was gonna join us? He wasn't exactly the only one, but as for last summer I believe a lot of those rumours were leaked by the club itself in an attempt to pressure down the price for Hargreaves. Or what about the rumours of "Steffan" Iversen in the summer of our treble winning season? Or what about The Baker who said United was gonna buy Andrea Pirlo?! I have said it before, and I have nothing against repeating myself; do not believe what newspapers write about Manchester United!



I for one, still feel we should get another striker and give Louis Saha the boot. Saha started this season so well and most definately deserve his Premiership medal, but his constant injuries are a pain in the ass. So what about buying Fernando Torres and send Mikael Silvestre the other way?

I seriously gotta stop drinking so much when I'm on holiday 'cause there isn't really that much I remember of my nine day stay in Colombia. My plan is to sober up back home in Norway in June (good luck with that), meaning this blog will not get the same type of stories that you're used to. But then again; fuck you pay me!

There hasn't been a single day in Colombia where I haven't woken up feeling like shit in the mornings. I guess that's the price for being shitfaced every night, and I guess that's the price for seeing red numbers in my bank accounts and finding out I have debt. My piece of shit University now says they want nearly NOK 14 000 from me! So again; fuck you, pay me!

The food in Colombia is also to blame for having such problems with my body right now, as I rarely had a decent meal. Both Cartagena and Santa Marta are cities by the sea, but the seafood here have been a great disappointment. The fish have varied from being plain awful to average. It was strange to miss Mexican food after a few days in a different country when I know I'll soon be fucking off to Norway.



But I'd still say we had a hell of a ride in Colombia. The historical centre of Cartagena is unbelievable and well worth a visit - it's like walking directly into a 14th century city. Nowadays, Colombia has got its severe problems that I'm sure everyone is aware of. There's random military check-points everywhere where brute guys with automatic guns command you out of the car/taxi and search you. Is this a military run state? Or has the druglords all the power? Every salesman on street (they are plenty) always ask you if you wanna buy "something special", so it's obvious that drugs (and especially cocaine) is the easiest thing to get a hold of.

Another sad Colombian story is also all the prostitutes that are on every street corner, and in many a bar. They're not as agressive as the Nigerian prostitutes in Oslo, Norway, but they still are a hassel and the city could undoubtfully do without them. Speaking of the streets; I reckon I'm used to clean streets that are washed (literally) on a daily basis, 'cause I could not help but think of how much litter the streets of Colombia contained.

I've had a fair share of the Colombian women (as readers of my two previous posts will know), and Thursday night in Santa Marta too gave me some love. We were at this rundown club/bar that pretty much only had Colombian locals and backpackers as clientel. There were no roof over the dancefloor, so when it started raining (and this is the rainy season) it sort of translated to a big "wet t-shirt contest". I saw some of the most sexy dancers I've ever seen in there - it must be their latina inheritance that makes them so damn good at moving their hips (Shakira is from Colombia, remember?), and since I have a fetish for dancers I obviously felt right at home.

I don't recall if the girl I ended up with was one of the ones I'd been staring at all night on the dancefloor, but she was another black girl (yes they are as black as Africans), and though I hate to "play the race card"; I must say I love kissing and receiving blow-jobs from girls with those kind of lips.



Last picture of my favourite Colombian, Marcela, for you.

After a few great days in Cartagena, we decided to see a different place of Colombia and went to the relatively small city of Santa Marta this morning. The busride was awful, and no way near as comfortable as the busses of Mexico (or any other place for that matter). Not only did the busdriver try to kill us more often than driving us properly, but the way they use their horns in this country is worse than in China! And thus making it impossible to get any sleep.

Since the last blogpost I've had a three-some with one white and one black girl at a so-called "Garage Motel" on another shit-faced night (only an Asian girl as well could have made that night any better). They treated me good; exchanging positions and always making sure I had some breasts in my face and whatnot.

I've also been banging Marcela again (taking the total to four women in three nights), and just as last time she was awesome in bed. Maybe I'll go as far as to say she's the greatest fuck I've ever had!

Pictures coming up later.

Let's for a second forget how extremely bad Rio "Dopey" Ferdinand is for my bloodpressure, and focus on the fact that Sigurd and I are in Colombia to see our good friend Shaun that lives right here in Cartagena.

In light of Sir Alex Ferguson's excellent work with the current Manchester United squad, making the side the most exciting and free-flowing attacking football club on the planet; it is easy to forget the immense trouble and threat Manchester United Football Club have in that Gimp Malcom Glazer and his extreme aggressive takeover of the club. The immoral and disgusting owners of our club have yet again annonced hikes in ticket prices at Old Trafford.

Read David Conn's excellent article on the Gimp and his family. And join in the fight for a supporter-owned club!

Excerpt from the article:

"When the Glazers refinanced, after only a year, those hedge funds had accumulated a further £79.1m in interest and other payments, meaning the total owed to them had swollen to £354.1m. The family managed last summer to negotiate £525m in new loans at lower interest - still over 8%, about £42m a year. That replaced the money they originally borrowed to finance the takeover, except for £138m still owed to the hedge funds. The interest on that is running at 14.25% - £19.66m a year. That makes the total borrowed by the Glazers £663m, more than six times the loans which have proved the ruin of Leeds United. The annual interest alone adds up to £62m."

£ 62 million in interest every year?! You gotta be fucking kiddin' me?! For that sum we could buy two world-class players of Fernando Torres caliber every summer.

Love United/Hate Glazer!

Robert "Bro" Duvall, Cristiano and I made it back from our trip from Cancún alive allright, but with heads, livers and stomachs that will not stop screaming "what the fuck have you done to me!".

I don't really have all that much to write about our trip, 'cause certain things will stay buried where they happened. But I will write a little paragraph on the first scandalous night we had: The guy that couldn't walk woke me and the guy that recently could walk again (after his "accident" on his bike) at nine am to get us on an all-inclusive cruise to Isla Mujers (that I've been told is really beautiful). I was in a pissy mood (obviously at that un-Christian time in the morning), but expected to cheer up after a nice breakfast and some coffee on board. Unfortunately, there were no breakfast on board, only alcohol. As much as we could ever wish for. So we (or I) did the mistake of starting the day (about thirty minutes after getting up) with beer and piña colada. It had to explode, and of course it did.

Firstly Cris nearly got arrested for jumping out of the boat when we finally got to Isla Mujers (we were of course in pretty bad shape already), but somehow got away by explaing that he thought it was legal since it's "legal in Norway". Now that was an hilarious conversation to witness!

We then went snorkling, something I thought should be dangerous when drunk, but due to some elderly, ignorant, farmerish Americans that we unfortunately had with us (the kind that normaly travel to Mexico from that country I guess) the security measurements where ridiculously high. So I didn't enjoy that, but I enjoyed being in the hot sea. Atleast that's something.

As I wrote a little earlier, I have been told that Isla Mujers is really beautiful, but I don't remember anything from the island or what it looks like. I do remember Cris and I trying to rent some jet-skies (another life-threatening exercise I guess) and me wanting to fight the world. Especially this one bartender that called us "fucking gringos", something I thought was absolutely disgusting.

Cris and I - as always - fought inbetween us during the week and Bro Duvall would've been fighting us too, if it weren't for his broken metatarsal. It got so bad that Cris destroyed his foot (again!) and I barely couldn't breathe due to immense chestpains (that still haven't gone away).

And the slutty people? Well, let me just say that I'll most defenately see Venezula when I'm done with Colombia!

The accusations of "lucky devils" this season is interesting given Wayne Rooney's and Paul Scholes' three match suspensions at the very beginning of the season for fouls that weren't fouls in a tournament that wasn't important. But I guess it is "luck" that Manchester United have world-class squad players that come in and do the job, when they're called upon. Players like Ole Gunnar Solskjaer, Darren "The Rabbit" Fletcher, John "Scousebuster" O'Shea, Ji-Sung Park and Wes "The Block" Brown have given an invaluable contribution to our highly deserved title winning campaign. And when even Kieran Richardson and Chris "man of the match on Stamford Brigde" Eagles have taken their chances, and scored a few goals, it is no wonder that Manchester United are the Champions 2006/07.

Our squad players love our club like supporters and will never moan in the press about not playing. They work hard, they push the established ones all the way for a spot and they - like John O'Shea on Anfailed - score when we need it the most. FC Mafiavski have got one homegrown player in John Terry, and the rest simple play for a few extra rubels. Jose Moaninho used to brag about having two world-class players for each position, but when injuries came (as they do for every club in every league and every division in the world of football), he saw he was wrong. And who's to blame for that? Manchester United's luck?!

The injuries we didn't get early on in this season, hit us hard at the end - but again I'll point to our squad players for the answer to our prayers - as opposed to the three past seasons when injuries hit us to an extreme amount. Ruud van Nistelrooy only scored eight goals in the 2004/05 season - due to injuries. Luis Saha's injury list is wellknown, and when Paul Scholes nearly turned blind in 2003 we had a havoc in the injury room with at one point fifteen senior players out!

So I guess it is only fair to call it "luck" that Scholes got well again and played the socks off of Steven Gerrard and Fat-Frank Lampard in the middle of the pitch. I guess it is only fair to say that Solskjaer and Alan Smith shouldn't have kept on training like beasts, just for the opportunity to score in front of the Streford End. I guess it is only fair to say that United shouldn't have had nineteen different goalscores in the league, and it is only luck that we have scored twenty goals more than Chelski and the Arses and twenty-eight goals more than the scousers.

Or maybe, just maybe, it is a sign that we play better football with better, stronger and faster players than your team?



Manchester United's title winning season is down to - not only to our great team that I'm sure will keep on winning - but to one man: The will and determination to win in Sir Alex Ferguson.

Cancún has been real nice to us; that warm, torquise sea and those neverending beaches full of bitches and Norwegian girls sunbathing topless while Mexican men take their photo is impossible not to love.

We obviously went out again yesterday (the first night out was a huge scandal) and this time finally ended up at the world-famous Coco Bongo Club where a bartender where so nice to us (due to a little Spanish knowledge) that he made us some marvellous drinks to pass-out on.

Our plan was to head over to Playa Del Carmen (the world's fastest growing city) today, but given some mysterious injury to Cristiano's leg (after jumping off that balcony I guess) we have to stay put.

Don't worry about me not celebrating Manchester United's 16th league championship; I'm yet again on the beach and I will post a thorough review of the 2006/07 season sometime after the FA Cup Final.

Robert "Bro" Duvall and Cristiano finally got their acts together and decided it was due time to come and see how we live our lifes in Mexico, so I met them in DF yesterday before we all flew down to Cancún for some relaxing with the gringos here. People seems to be highly surprised - and some even shocked - when I speak Spanish to them, something I do find a little sad when it is after all the tongue of this country. Well maybe not here, as every single one of the 500 000 waitors of Cancún cannot afford to actually live in Cancún, but live in barracks on the outskirts of the city.

I'd love to write about (and of course post pictures of) my newest pigish stories, but due to reasons that I'm sure none of my readers will understand: I'll only include two quotes from the past few days: "No one's ever done THAT to me before!" and "You have some stamina!"

A Cancún review will follow.

I finally got my lap-top to work again, so here's another picture for y'all to enjoy. The gorgeous, but crazy women decided to show off her God given, blessed breasts on stage of an Acapulco club during Semana Santa - Easter. After her show was over, she dragged her fiancè up on stage too!

I spent the past weekend at the beaches of Puerto Vallarta with my sister Annie and our friends Christine the Tabledancer (because she's reknown to dance on tables and destroy other people's drinks, of course without apologizing) from New York and Mariette the Icebox (because a guy will never capture her heart) from Amsterdam.

We decided to check out some virgin beaches, and after a boattrip from hell ended up on an island that got electricity just six years ago! Old people always complain about how good things used to be (which we all know is bullshit), and we fucking met this one guy that claimed the island was better off before the hint of civilization came!

After a few great days there, we got on that hellride back to the mainland for one last night in down-town Vallarta. Mariette and I - good Europeans that we are (and I am not even European; I'm Norwegian for fuck's sakes!) - decided to get wasted and destroy the "Club Zoo". We got in without paying cover, but they operated with some serious stiff prices that gave me a worried drag on my face. Now, the beauty of hanging out with Mariette (except that she's a good girl and a hell of a lot of fun) is that her long legs, blonde hair and deep, sparkling blue eyes drive Mexican men crazy. So she told me not to worry 'cause "I'll get some guy and tell him you're my brother. If he wanna be with me he needs to buy you drinks too". And she didn't fail me! After a minute of talking to this one guy, I suddenly found myself with a drink in my hand and due to Mariette's excellent work I only needed to nod in her direction to get a new one. So I was basically getting drunk for some random guy's money!

I was in the club wearing nothing but shorts, flip-flops and my favourite t-shirt "Roy Keane - rage is temporary, class is forever", but I must have done something right during the night 'cause I got invited to dance in a cage there with the club hostess. I don't know the slightest thing about dancing, but I will take a compliment when I get one. So in I entered.

Amnesty International Norway recently published a stunning report saying nearly 50% of Norwegian men believe women needs to take responsibility for rape if they flirt. You gotta be fucking kidding me, guys?! Jesus Christ, I don't believe what I'm reading. What the fuck kinda of society do you fellas want? A Middle-Eastern one where women seldom leave the house, wear burkas and whatnot and most certainly not going abouts flirting with people? Sounds dreadful if you ask me.

I too find it annoying to be lead to believe everything is going for my bed when the night's chosen one suddenly changes her mind, but that is the worst excuse ever for forcing oneself on her. One simply cannot expect fish everytime one goes fishing. Right here in Catholic country, it has happened that I've been the King of the Club with some girl and later on heard "I don't believe in sex before marrige". So what?

The Norwegian Male; get you fucking act together!

Just bring me the God damn pasta when I'm hung-over as a motherfucker after dancing in a cage with two women and a celebrity looking black guy (he had bodyguard-looking friends too) at a club in Puerto Vallarta.

Since I'm too cool for school I'm at the beach again with Annie, Christine and Mariette. We celebrated The Day of The Queen (what; you don't celebrate Queen Beatrix of Holland's birthday?) hard yesterday, and no fucking Italian restaurant is open today (yeah, I know it's so hard to be me)!

P.S: Congratulations to the two former Captains of Manchester United Steve Bruce and Roy Keane who will lead Birmingham and Sunderland in the Premiership the next season.

P.P.S: We apologise for slow updates, but being at the beach and not having a functional lap-top is to blame.

P.P.P.S: If you know a Leeds-supporter (sorry Endre), tell him this joke: What do the Championship and Cordless Drills have in common? No Leeds! Haha!